“At some point in your life you get tired of
unhealthy connections, whether it be people or things.
As you grow, certain things become intolerable to your liking…
AND THAT’S OK. ~Ajna Surah of the Healing Place
In the words of Queen B – “I Ain’t Sorry”. Listen, May is Mental Health Awareness Month and its time we stop being sorry. I will no longer be sorry for standing up for myself and keeping my space sacred. By sacred I mean free from anything or more specifically; anyone that disrupts my personal energy flow. Why would that bother me you ask? Well, I worked real hard to get to this place of inner peace and self love that I refuse to let anything or anyone tamper with it in any way. I’ve spent way too many years indulging in the bullshit of so many people that I lost sight of who I was. Its one thing to step out of your comfort zone in order to experience new things and to grow but that should be on your terms. Saying yes to everything and everybody is just not good for one’s mental health, especially when the efforts aren’t returned in the same manner. Society has us believing that you have to do whatever and be everything that people expect of you in order to be loved and accepted. Let me grant you this lil blessing…. YOU DON’T! At this point in my life, I’m no longer worried about any of that. The acceptance of others outside of my immediate circle is no longer my concern. Living my best life on my terms is now what concerns me the most.
One day when I was in a bad space, I began to take inventory of my life and realize that I was focusing way too much of my energy trying to make sure others were happy, all the while I myself was miserable. The better part of my 20’s and even early 30’s was spent in a dark place. At first I couldn’t understand why; I was a “good person” I was an active church member etc but I just couldn’t get out of this place. I realize now that it was because I was neglecting ME – the person I had to live and deal with every waking second of each and every day. For yeats I put others in front of myself to the point I no longer liked who I was. To be honest, I didn’t even really know who I was. It was when I got to my breaking point that I knew it was time to have a heart to heart with myself. It is so easy for us to point the finger and blame others for the unhappiness in our heart but the truth is; as an adult, YOU are in charge of your own happiness. Trust me, once you decide to make your happiness a priority, you will see things in a verrryyy different light. I dare you to ask yourself the age old therapeutic question…. does this thing/person add to/benefit my life or the opposite. There are times when I have to remind myself that I can’t be out here being “Captain Save-A-Hoe” while neglecting my responsibility to self. It’s a vicious cycle that will quickly sweep you up and cause you to lose sight of your own needs because you are constantly focused on the needs of others. There’s a fine line that those of us who are helpers by nature walk and if we are not careful we will surely find ourselves tipped over on the one sided relationship road. And what a lonely road it is.
Now, I am by no means telling you to drop all your friend, stop speaking to your family and become a monk. What I am saying, is that you should take inventory of those in your so called “circle” every so often juuuust to make sure that they should be in the place that they are in your life. Sometimes people/relationships need to be adjusted and readjusted accordingly. Yes we were hanging tough at one point, but just how time has moved on and it may be time for that connection to move on or maybe it should be dissolved altogether. As you experience various changes in life, the part people play in your life may have to change as well… and guess what – THAT’S OK! You are not obligated to continue relationship in the same manner if your priorities and needs have changed. Some connections aren’t meant to last forever. I find it funny that people will advise you to quit your job or to leave someone your with if they get wind that you are unhappy with either but will try and make you feel guilty for outgrowing a friendship or even “family-ship” for that matter. Let me put this disclaimer out there…. I don’t care if we are related… that DOES NOT give you permission to treat me any kind of way and think I should be ok with it just because we’re “family”. The fact that we are related should remind you that I’m not the one to play with because you, my dear family member will catch the worse of it simply because you should know better. But I digress. I’ll save the in-depth for another post. 🙂
But people, lets stop apologizing and feeling bad for protecting our space. You are the one who shows people how to treat you, not the other way around. Just as we teach our children about boundaries of both self and others, we adults should also enforce boundaries in order to have the inner peace we desire. As your love for yourself increases, the level of protection of your peace will also increase and guess what….. I ain’t sorry and you shouldn’t be either! If people can’t understand your “change” (insert eye roll) then that’s something they have to work through but that is no longer your issue to take on. Do not let people make you feel bad for loving yourself and keeping your space sacred. Yes it can be hard to let people go, but let me tell you what’s harder; living life unhappy. Trust me, it is a process, but its one well worth it. So let start to pack all that emotional baggage up and put it in a box to the left! And since its Mental Health Awareness Month why not take this time to reach out for assistance with working through any issues you may be experiencing. Sometimes we just an new outlook on the situations we are trying to work through on our own. Therapists and Life Coaches are around to assist us with doing that. Please do not let fear or any negative stereotypes hold you back from seeking what you need to do for yourself. We see doctors for physical pain…why not see a therapist for our mental pain. Its time we become unapologetic for seeking the best assistance for our mental health and overall well being. And if anyone has something to say…. MIDDLE FINGERS UP – PUT THEM HANDS HIGH!
I love you to life!
The REfresh 