Now Walk it Out

One thing I learned early in life that I try to convey to others, is that you are in charge of your life!  Don’t ever think that you have to stay anywhere, with anyone or in any situation that in your heart you feel you should not be a part of.  Preserve your energy! Never let the voices of others who think they know you, outweigh your own judgement.  My tolerance level for nonsense has always been low but I think it has hit rock bottom these past few years.  Before I decided to exit stage left from a recent situation, I was told by others that I should look past things and the actions of others and be “humble”.  Well my momma didn’t raise no fool and I know the difference between being humble and being stupid and the later I am not!  People would say things like “oh you know how they are” or “don’t pay them any mind” and “don’t respond because you’re better than that”.   It was excuse after excuse all to keep me in a place where I had to bury my feelings in order to be the “bigger person”. Meanwhile the offender(s) were given the green light and a pat on the back to go ahead and offend some more.  If you know me, you know I don’t play games with people and I hate nonsense so to be told to I had to curb my tongue and disregard my own feelings was something I found extremely hard to do.  I did try it tho and unfortunately, I went along with this foolishness for years (over 10) until I could no longer continue with this charade.  When an issue arose that directly involved me, I decided to confront it and the participants head on and it wasn’t pretty.  Afterward, when I had time to reflect, I realized that I should have done this YEARS ago.  I began to question myself as to why would I subject myself to being belittled and taken advantage of in order to fit the mold of being a so called “good person and good christian”.  Why would I let the feelings of others negate my own.  They didn’t have to live with on the emotional roller coaster… I did.  Shoot even Jesus got angry at one point and started turning over tables in the temple….

As mad as I was with the facts, I could only blame myself for being caught up in it for so long even going against the warnings and advise of others.  What good would it be for me to point the blame elsewhere when ultimately it was me who allowed myself to be in situations that didn’t benefit me.  I am a extremely loyal person sometimes to my own detriment but never thought in a million years would I think that the people I thought “loved”me so much would be the very ones to continuously sabotage me to try and keep their control.   In case you didn’t know, there are people (the ones you least expect) in your life are only there to get what they can get from you and when you or your talents no longer serve them, they turn on you or move on to the next vulnerable person.  And let me tell you this: vulnerability is a dangerous thing – I’ll talk about that in a later post. Do not continue to let people drain you to the point you have nothing left to give yourself.  Like I stated in my birthday post Freedom, Self Preservation is Key!  We give our all to love, family, friendships, work and the like until we are exhausted but when it comes time to give to ourselves we are looked at as selfish.   Well give me my selfish t-shirt and let go on and take my selfish self to the spa!  I can go on and on about the things, people and placed I’ve invested in that gave me little to no return.  Those days are over and I refuse to be in that state of mind ever again.  It was horrible living that way which is why I’m sharing so you can begin to awaken and live a holistic life.  Don’t believe the hype… the grass is greener on the other side but you’ll never know if you just take their word for it.  That’s yet another way to keep control over you by instilling fear but how would you know for yourself if you don’t go check it out.  Again, it’s your life – live it!

One would think with all that I’ve had to walk away from that I would be used to it. Not So. A failed first marriage, a business, friends, a church I was at for years and even some family members just to name a few. Was it hard to walk away?..YES! Was it worth it?.. HELL YES! My sanity does not have a price and neither does yours. Walking away doesn’t mean you’re giving up, it means you finally see your value and you realize you not only want but deserve better.  Raise your hand if you enjoy being used. (didn’t think so)  When I would talk with my dad about decisions I had to make, he would always ask me what I felt in my heart and after my response he would simply say “then do it”.  Wise words from a man who lived his life to the fullest all the way until the day he passed away.  My dad always gave me the courage to make my decision and stick to it, no matter what people may say or think about it.  Funny thing is my husband the same way.  Throughout this last episode of shenanigans, he has helped me to see that I have to live life for myself and with no regrets.  If people don’t like how I choose to live my life then that’s something they have to deal with.  And if I don’t like the energy they bring – walk away and don’t look back! Some people will try to stay connected to you so you may have to pack their bags for them and put them out of your life.  Do it with no regrets, no shame, just the fact that you are trying to preserve your sanity.

Peace & Blessings!